true.

i am being sucked back into Knoxville. Due to money, due to friends, due to nathan.
[help]

Moving..... [on?]

I have decided to move to California.

Its still surreal to say that.... but yes, Oct 29 I will no longer be a resident of Knoxville... California here [I] come right back where I started from.



And don't get me wrong... I don't think I want to live there permanently. I would really like to just be there while I wait out the Peace Corp thang and then either choose to join the Peace Corp or do something else abroad.

I'm guessing I will base this on either;

a. whether or not I even get in
b. my assignment and how it appeals to me
c. whether I change my mind in the meantime.

Regardless, I don't plan on being there past March (yay ridiculous St. Patty's in HB)

but who know...



I am moving to Long Beach ["Summertiiime in the LBC"] and looking on Craigslist for a roomie. I have this image in my head of me riding my bike to work (something with awesome co-workers that will barely pay my rent) and living in poverty. Heck yes (ehhh)

Sure I am nervous but its definitely on the exciting side.



A huge part of it is that I will be taking a roadtrip to get there!
This is my tentative Schedule

Oct 29 Knoxville to Little Rock
Oct 30 Little Rock to Austin (Halloween in Austin... dundundun)
Nov 1st Austin to Roswell, NM (trying to find aliens)
November 2 Roswell to Tucson, AZ *visiting David Banning*
November 5 Tucson to Las Vegas (I might just drive straight through to HB since Ree won't be in Vegas)

If I'm having an awesome time in one place then I will try and stay and extra day or so and if not, I can leave.... No drive in one day is more than eight hours so I can really take my time with it, and as long as I leave by noon (hopefully I'll leave way before then!) then my entire drive will be in the light.

The only time constraint I have is Mila's wedding etc... Her rehearsal dinner is the 7th (I'm not obliged to parrticipate) and the wedding is the tenth (NOT THE NINTH)

Reasoning for the caps correction? Yea... I'm an idiot and definitely bought tickets to see Stars- awwesome seats in a really private theatre for about 70 bucks total off ticketmaster (damn their fees!) only to find that my assumption that the wedding was on the ninth was unfounded. eff.



So if you love stars (or somewhat like them)....(or don't know who they are: http://www.arts-crafts.ca/stars/ ) and want to buy the tickets off me for 65.00- you can contact me/buy them off ebay. I'm so retarded.

However there is a concert on both the 8th and 9th that I would love to attend: Of Montreal. The show I'm missing by a couple of hours here in Knoxville cuz I'll be in Vegas (my 7.7.07 $7 ticket here to vegas) Ah yes... if you would like tickets to that, let me know as well.... GA for 10.2.07. blah.

Technically I could attend any of these Of Montreal shows:
Nov 03 - Austin, TX - Fun Fun Fun Fest ^^^ AA
Nov 04 - Dallas, TX - Granada Theater ^^^ AA
Nov 05 - El Paso, TX - Club 101 ^^^ AA
Nov 06 - Tempe, AZ - The Marquee ^^^ AA
Nov 07 - Tucson, AZ - The Rialto ^^^ AA
Nov 08 - Los Angeles, CA - Avalon ^^^ AA
Nov 09 - Los Angeles, CA - Avalon ^^^ AA
Nov 10 - La Jolla, CA - Mandeville Auditorium @ UCSD ^^^ AA
Nov 11 - Pomona, CA - The Glasshouse ^^^ AA

Let me know if you are interested in joining these.

Until I leave this is my schedule:
Sept 14th- Going away party for 2 of my favourite coworkers. This party is going to be riiiidiculous
Sept 25th - Claire's wedding
Sept 27-Oct 3- VEGAS (yay Ree time!)
Oct 12th- Octopus Project (heck yes)
Oct 27th- STARS in ATL
Oct 29th- Leave for roadtrip.

First thing I'm going to do:

Second:


heck yes late night harbor house with B-rad.

Um, well, I'm doing what I'm doing until I'm not doing it anymore and I'm doing something else - whatever and wherever that may be.

Option 1: Moving to Cambodia with Emory and working at an NGO

Option 2: If I am accepted, going into the Peace Corp (all I have left to do are my essays)

Option 3: Move to Charleston (which seems like the option I will take after 1 & 2)

Option 4: Stay in Knoxville.... [no no no no no no no no]

Option 5: None of the above or a combination of the above (but not Knoxville.)

Thats where I'm at. Opinions welcome (in person or by phone)

One of these (or perhaps random Option 5) will happen or will be in the process of happening by Jan 1, 2008.

I promise myself.

but i don't check horoscopes...

The other day, we got those really insightful, amazing insider tips about men from MSN, and I know we ladies lucked out so much getting a little peek into the other team's playbook, I thought I'd offer the guys a little peek into ours! How does that sound?
So, I'm going to take some liberties here and first give you what I imagine MSN would call "Amazing Insider Tips about Women: We asked your wives, girlfriends, and crushes to tell us something that would shock you." And in true MSN fashion, here are the top ten secrets:
1. We get moody around our periods.
2. We talk about you to our girlfriends and compare notes with each other. We say things like, "He's so cute!" when we're happy with you, and "He's such a jerk" when we're pissed. And one of our favorite things to say to one another is,"You deserve better."
3. We get a little bit jealous when you talk about your ex-girlfriends.
4. We wish you didn't like sports so much -- it takes time away from you lavishing attention on us.
5. We like it when you lavish attention on us.
6. And call us "pretty."
7. Yeah, that's good.
8. And when you remember stuff -- like our birthdays and that Lindt chocolate is our favorite.
9. When that happens, we gush to our girlfriends and say, "Isn't he cute?!"
10. We like it when you notice stuff, like when we dye our hair black or wear a new dress.
oh, and here's a bonus:
11. We like presents!
And, as if that wasn't enough secret insider information to astound you for weeks, now you get MY version:
1. If we're ever alone in your apartment for an extended period of time -- maybe house-sitting for you while you're out of town, or sleeping in after you've left for work or something, we're totally going to go through your shit and look for evidence of all past relationships. We're searching for pictures, love notes, cards, uh, ticket stubs you might have saved, anything that might link us to a life you had prior to dating us. We won't stop until we find something, anything. And when we find that thing -- that picture of the two of you on your vacation to San Francisco two springs ago, we will fixate on all the ways she's prettier and more perfect than we are, and how you can't possibly be over her and look how happy you are in this picture and we've never seen that shirt before, is that a shirt she gave you and now you can't bring yourself to wear it because it just tears you up so much inside thinking about how you lost your one great love in life and you'll never find anyone like her again and now you're just stuck with some boring girl like us with flat hair and lips that could never, ever be as luscious and perfect as your ex's?
Trust me, we don't like this behavior any more than you do. Not only are we wracked with guilt over invading your privacy, we feel ashamed and childish over our issues of insecurity and jealousy we know we should have gotten over long, long ago. It's very difficult being a female -- hey, do you have any chocolate?
2. We have period panties we hope you never, ever see. I'm not going to go into detail here, but I'll just say this: if you ever do happen to inadvertantly catch a glimpse of the period panties, oh for the love of god, please just do us all a favor, and never mention it. Thanks.
3. We're probably gassier than you are. Some of us. Not me. I mean, I don't ever have gas. I'm talking about other girls. Like your ex...the one with the perfect hair and lips. I'm sure she's really gassy. Good thing you got rid of her.
4. We don't shave our legs until we're positive we want to have sex with you. That way, if you get us drunk and worked up enough, we'll know we can't do it because we're hairy and you'll never want to see us again. After we become intimate, we'll only shave regularly for about 3-6 months. After that, we know we've got you hooked and we pretty much stop trying to impress you. Sorry.
5. As soon as we find out your sign, we start reading your horoscope obsessively, looking for any sort insight into your character, trying desperately to figure you out because we've decided you're very complicated and mysterious, since that's the only reason we can come up with for you not calling very often or wanting to see us as much as we want to see you, because it would never occur to us that you might be dating other people, or maybe aren't that interested in us, or perhaps you're busy. Nope, it has to be something else -- some deep character flaw, something we can fix! We love to fix you.
6. In fact, we spend hours upon hours with our girlfriends analyzing everything you do, say, imply, talk about, don't say, don't do, the ways you look at us, the different ways you've answered the phone, how you dress when you see us, just to figure out whether you like us or not.
7. That first time you called -- and we didn't answer the phone? We just wanted you to leave a message so we could listen to your voice over and over and decide if we liked you. Also, if we do decide we like you, at any given time, we have at least one voice message of yours saved and every once in awhile, we listen to it. And it makes us feel good.
8. Your text messages are like little drops of sunlight in our day.
9. You really have no idea how obsessed we get over you.
10. And it shames us sometimes.
11. So, from time to time, we say to ourselves, "Self, this kind of one-sided obsession, this isn't healthy," and to sort of balance things out and convince ourselves we can totally go a whole day without thinking about you, we won't answer your calls for about 24 hours. This makes us feel like we have control and that everything is right in the world again. We especially like it when you call when we're out with the girls, and we can pull out our cell phone when it rings, check the caller ID, and say, "Oh, it's just him. You know, he can leave a message, I don't have to talk to him every minute of the day," while we sort of roll out eyes in that way that conveys to our friends you've been kind of needy lately.
12. Hey, better you than us, for once.
13. Sometimes we "create drama" just to see if you'll stick around after it blows over. If you do, it means you like us, and we finally have proof.
14. We have and remember the anniversary for everything in our relationship -- from the first date, to the first kiss, the first sleep-over, and the first 'I love you.' We measure these things in months, and we tell our friends,"It's three months today since the first time we ate Thai take-out together." These anniversaries are very, very meaningful to us. If you remembered one, or even just made one up, we'd pertty much swoon for the rest of our lives.
15. Every ex-boyfriend we have has one quality, that despite how much he may have hurt us, we wish you possesed. This desire is especially acute when you've pissed us off.
16. We'd like to give your wardrobe a make-over.
17. You know that myth about girls freaking out over their boyfriends having female friends? Totally not true. We are so okay with your female friends. As long as they're your sisters, or they're ugly, or maybe they're married. Actually, we're just okay with your sisters. But, we really think they're great (I mean, they like us, right?).
18. Your friends totally hit on us when you turn your back for a second. We don't tell you because we don't want to cause problems since we know you've been friends forever and the likelihood of us being around for more than a few months is pretty slim, and also because your friends are pretty hot.
19. Not that we would ever do anything with them. Unless you dump us, you big jerks, then everything's fair game.
20. And one last secret -- one we don't even admit to ourselves most of the time:
When it's been awhile since we've had a boyfriend and we've gotten used to being the lone single girl at dinner parties and friends' birthdays, when our weekend plans don't revolve around calculating our next date and we don't lose sleep wondering why it's been two days since we've heard from you, when we don't have to worry about the state of our unshaved legs, or if our under-garments match, and whether you might be more turned on if we got waxed, when we aren't worried about losing you because there's no 'you' to lose, and there's anticpation everytime we got out that we might meet "someone," we're usually happier than we ever were with you, because most of you? Most of you don't deserve us. At least, that what our girlfriends say.

Wonderwall

Today was the longest day of the year.
...it was terribly long for me.

I don't think I know what I'm doing anymore.
Playing the victim is wrong and I refuse to be one.
[everyone is going to be so mad but I don't care]

hrmmm..

The Honest reason I haven't moved to California yet [besides monies] :

"...los angeles, or southern california as a whole, constitutes a social world of its own that is peculiarly disordered, speeded up, and artificial. the popular idea (substantiated to a degree by historians) is that because california was for so long the special end point of the westering dream, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow of hopes of countless pioneers, it has received more than its share of restless visionaries and misfits and is therefore a more intensly neurotic version of the neurotic life of modern america." -Bret Easton Ellis


but....

and...
and...


_________________________________________________________________________________________

And in life... no more of:








because of:



My friends remind me I am stronger.

cause=time

(yes thats my Paddington, heart pillow and favourite dog from when I was little)

Oh maaaan... its daylight!!! And also, FRIDAY THE 13TH!

And they all want to love the cause
They all need to be the cause
They all want to dream a cause

Love and Mathematics

Good to be home again. After a near two week stint in California- filled with ridiculousness as to be expected- I returned home to a night at Barley's with the ones I didn't stop talking about while I was home. It amazes me that you can combine your close friends into a mix that work as well with one another as they do with you. I am expecting the ones who promised to get their asses out here. I promised bull rides, cowboy boots and general drunkeness- and, although that is SO far from my Knoxville reality, I won't dissapoint.

CA trip= mmmm.... lessee. Industrial Club, Ralph driving down from San Fran, All you can eat sushi, Harbor house fights, Late night talks with Brad, Vanessa, Shane and Cheese. Loooots of late night talks.

Note: If I could marry my friends and live in a house like the golden girls I soooo freakin' would. Only there would be a lot more people. It would be nice to grow old with such lovely people. And no relationship drama (: p boo that)

Sitting in the circle in Orange, Santa Monica, laser tag with the music fraternity, beer, pool, ridiculous tiny red vinyl dresses borrowed from Bernie, Mexican with brad's family, Angels game box seats with Shane's fam, My virgin Wii experience, meeting Cheese's new @$%#*%#, finding out about Paul Schiavoni's sexuality, Easter Mass with Shane's family, Kirsti's birthday bonfire, chain reaction after 4 years, booonding time.

it was good. really good.
i won't lie- I cried in LAX and had to call my mom.
*while wearing giant sunglasses*
Me: but... but I'm going to miss them so muuuch
Mom: well you'll just have to find a way to move out there then
Me: But I'm poor! And the orange county bubble has rich ladies who push their dogs around in strollers!! Moooomm why can't everyone I love be in one place??? It's not faaaair..
Mom: well you're going to have to find a way to make a lot of money then, aren't you?

-commence my everlasting dread of coming to terms with the lack of things I am doing-

So what HAVE i been doing?
Applied to go back to China
missed (kinda purposefully) the deadline to apply for the JET program
Wooooorking- at Bravo, an italian restaurant
Hanging out with friends
Spooning. Nathan plays guitar and bartends. yes...I know.

I feel refreshed from the last three months of relaxing (??) and feel ready to look for a real job. WHHHHERE tho?

but anywhoo, I returned home to even more good friends.
...and then I got sick. I got serrrrriously sick. Like Nathan had to hold up a glass of gatorade with a straw to my mouth because I couldn't move and I haven't eaten anything in the last three days besides half a can of pears (yay watching the office and having greg open the pears) sick. So sick that I started crying about everything. Called mom to be babied- cry, Nathan was nice- cry, I puked- cry. In short... it was bad. But i feel more like a human now.


Alright I really should sleep because rest is good for sick ones like me.